Rule #20. That's 26.2 miles.

Rule #20 It’s a marathon, not a sprint, unless it’s a sprint, then sprint

Slow and steady wins the race, right? Isn't that what the smug tortoise said to the impulsive hare in Aesop's fable?

Yup. He sure does. I've got to start looking at the big picture. I can't keep worrying about the little things, the changeable things, the non-permanant things, the things that will affect today but maybe not tomorrow. It's about time that I start worrying where I'll be in 2 years... 5 years... 20 years? I always hated that question at a job interview. Some stuffed-shirt corporate hiring manager stares at you across the conference table and asks "Where do you see yourself in X years?"

For a long time, I was a banker. It was safe. I always knew what my paycheck would be, and when I would get it. I wore a suit and tie every day. I drank the corporate Kool-Aid. It was boring. And safe. For a long time, I thought that is what "the marathon" was. I thought that putting up with a miserable existence for the short term would help me get where I wanted to be long term. The problem is, I never really knew where the long term finish line was even thouugh I was sprinting towards it full speed. I was constantly busting my ass to finish a race that I really didn't give a rat's ass about in the first place. And damn, I was out of breath.

I was looking at things all wrong. I was sprinting. I was just trying to finish the short term race... and I was giving it my all. But the finish line wasn't getting any closer... as a matter of fact, I was headed in the wrong direction entirely. I was just killing myself.

I quit that job. And I found something that makes me happy. I'm still trying to figure out if it's forever happy. (yeah, yeah...forever is an awfully long time) I made an active choice to stop running aimlessly. I also got rid of a relay partner who wouldn't catch the baton, no matter how hard I tried.

The real marathon of life is happiness: long term happiness. Sure, there will always be a need to sprint to the next check-point, or jump over the next hurdle. I've got to figure out what that happiness looks like. I think I have pretty good idea. It is becoming clearer every day. Then comes the training and prep work. I need the right shoes, breathing techniques, and a coach. Once all that is done, THEN I might be ready to run the marathon of life. I don't know if it's a marathon, or a relay race, or a triathalon, or the ropes course at Quantico. But I know it's really effing hard to get trough, thank God for the water stations along the way.

That's where I am right now. I'm trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. I have to figure out who I want to do it with (see Rule #8). I think I am close on that one.

As I sit and write this, I just got an email update regarding my aunt. She has been running her own marathon against pancreatic cancer. It looks like she is approaching her own finish line, and she is doing it with glamour and grace. This is an exerpt from an email her husband sent out:

Chris has been re-admitted to a Hospice facility. She is gravely ill and the end of her life here on earth is near. As you know, this past September we celebrated our 42nd wedding anniversary. Chris and I have had a long life together but we both had hoped for it to be much longer. As she has said, even-though we make plans, God makes the final plan. Nevertheless, Chris gave me four terrific children who in turn gave us eight beautiful grand children. We love each of them dearly. I can't imagine continuing this life journey without her...

That's the happiness I want. My aunt is an amazing woman, and she found her kick-ass partner in her husband, Bob. After running along side her for 42 years, he wants more time with her. Me, too.

I love you, Aunt Chrissy. It's time for you to sprint now.
John